Another year in the Teacher Corps???

As January comes to a close, and only four months of school lie ahead of me before summer, I think it is time for some truths. It's time to sit down and evaluate not only how well and/or poorly the past 6 months have gone, but also to evaluate the time that lies ahead. Of course, with any reflection, there must be a foundation. So here it goes.

I've learned so much about myself over the past 6 months. I've learned how much I'm willing to sacrafice for something in which I believe so strongly. I've learned that I am more of an easy going, relaxed person than I had ever been in the past. I've also learned that my breaking point has come and gone without me even realizing it. This academic year has been full of ups and downs for me just as it has been for most of my fellow teacher corps members. Some highlights: getting through to certain students whom I thought would never see graduation day; Joking around with my students about the little things in life and imparting some wisdom (well, at least the little that I think I may have) about how integrity, honesty and compassion are values that will get you further than selfishness, greed and "the here and now" attitude; and finally, acutally sharing my passion for science with some of my students (I still can't believe I'm a high school teacher.) While these highlights are truly great, and will provide lasting memories, I don't believe that they can overshadow the challenges.

I don't like being a disciplinarian. It's not me. In many cases, I find myself disciplining students for things that I did in high school. How hypocritical is that?! I don't like the fact that the counselors stick all the "troubled" kids in my class just because I'm a first year teacher. And I don't like giving students every minute of my day, before and after school when they don't want to be there anyway. It's frustrating.

I've learned that I am not cut out to be a teacher for the rest of my life. It's just not for me. Fortunately, I won't have to. I recently was accepted to medical school. The question now is whether or not I should defer matriculation into medical school for a year to finish out the Teacher Corps program. Ben said that it is fantastic that no one has left the program. I can't imagine someone quitting in the middle of the school year. I surely won't quit before the summer arrives. There's no way. However, I find that I really have to put some careful consideration into whether or not I'll be coming back next year. There are many pros and cons to staying the course and finishing up the program before I enter medical school, not the least of which is the fact that I made a committment. I have never been one to back out of a committment, but we're talking a year of my life. Is it worth the unhappiness that it creates? Teaching isn't all bad. I like many aspects of it such as those I mentioned above. I would love to be involved with aspects of education other than teaching and I think the lessons I'm learning now as a teacher will make me a much more informed citizen, not to mention a better physician.

In the coming blogs, I'm going to try to type my way to an answer. I'm going to put my thoughts out in front of the corps, and reevaluate my plan later in the spring. I'm at a real loss right now.